Friday, June 30, 2006

super-professor or just me?

So I'm sitting in the bath tub tonight, reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and I'm just loving it. I've been reading a lot of these sorts of books lately. You know, the types of books that someone tells you about their journey of faith. Anyway, Rob Bell talks in part of this book about owning other peoples stories as much as are own. Its a neat concept, and I don't always get it, being raised in an indivualistic society and being raise a bit of a selfish brat (its my story and thats their story and there is nothing in common). But today, I really felt like Rob's story is my own. He is talking about his breakdown between 2 worship services at his church Mars Hill (which is so big it owns a shopping mall and needs all the associated parking!) He realizes that he can't be "superpastor" anymore. For a moment I saw one of these break downs in my future... I'm constantly struggling with not being "super-grad student" partly because I was "super undergrad" (It almost killed me). But reading about Rob's breakdown I realized that that was going to be some day as I neglected my family (or the family i hope to have) to be one of the best young female professor Computer Science had ever seen. I sometimes feel like I have to do this or I'll have let everyone down (like my advisor, the admissions committee, my famliy, my department who so desperately wants "star" grad students). Othertimes I really feel like thats not what God is calling me to do... I don't think he is calling me to be famous, but he is calling me to a place where I can have an impact. A real impact on peoples lives and maybe even a surprising impact on my field.

I recently told someone I had no desire (or call) to be a clergy. They immediately said, at least not yet. I sort of feel bad typing this because God works in mysterious ways, but I really doubt that I will ever be called into full-time clergy-type ministry.* I think a big part of this conviction is because I have been give great skills at what I do, and a true passion for my field.

Anyway, enough rambling.

Tonight I realized that I don't have to be "Super" anything but super-me and its ok if super me isn't a super professor. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

I say this with all those modifiers because I thing God calls all of us into ministry, its just not always in the form of a call the clergy


At 9:04 PM, Blogger Laura said...

I like this post. And it is perfectly ok to not be called into full time ordained ministry as long as you know that full time ministry is the life we should all lead whether we are computer scientists, missionaries, teachers, doctors, or pastors.

I especially enjoy the "super-me part" I think that was something I needed to hear just as much as you needed to say it. Thanks for being awesome.


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